Saturday, November 13, 2010

Find yourself…

          There’s a reason I keep alluding to obscure taglines or titles from Lost. It’s because those are one of the few things that I actually like. Others? I’m actually getting confused about my real likes and interests. Been watching House recently and I was just done with season six. There was this episode where a character gets amnesia and her entire personality changes. Apparently, without past memory, personality tends to return to its fresh, natural state (tabula rasa anyone?). Which, it turns out, can be quite different. I mean, a totally different nature because of lost memory; wow, how cool can it get?

           On a more serious note though, it is kind of fascinating; thinking about how, because of certain reasons, you choose to believe in something that you originally didn’t. No, I’m not talking religion or philosophy here. Just voicing aloud the thought that identity, is not as unique as I believed it to be. Sure, we are all different at different levels, but then we are not who we truly believe we are. Well, for those who say no, wait till you find out.

           I always thought that blending in to a community makes people choose roles; roles which get decided early on and don’t change that easily, sometimes never. That’s why most people find the latter half of their stay somewhere as the most beautiful part, worth remembering. It is that perfect identity, that perfect role, that people seek to find, takes some time, thereby making the whole thing a tad difficult, for some like me. Others, manage it quite easily. But for a guy like me, when that very identity gets challenged, it is quite an experience in itself. Yeah, it really is. And it begins with you starting to get stressed, beginning to doubt yourself. That’s when you kind of realize how alone you really are. You get reminded of all things that you’d rather not think about, which, brings you back to the question, ‘Who are you really?’

          Actually, the more important question here would be, ‘Whom do you want to be?’, which is as difficult, if not more, than the previous one. The trouble is, people like me, keep ‘running just to stay where they are’, but in the meanwhile, forget to think about what lies ahead. I used to live by a simple rule a wise guy once told me, “Just hang in there with the knowledge that you’ve learnt something today which you didn’t know yesterday”. Which is not so wrong really, is it..? Well, it used to work quite okay for me… until it didn’t. Until the day you become a victim of the bigger process. When that happens, you know it’s time to wake up; and to go find yourself.

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